GUMPTION

Well I take that not as an insult but words that extremely mean nothing. When I try to read between the lines, my character is just as a seed wanting and willing to grow. Being still amidst deprivation of speaking, exhorting explanations, I seem to waver and choose to be silent. Wanting to be silent requires gumption to be present, and if it is, I feel redeemed from speaking words with no wisdom at all.

I have chances to pour out words that may contradict, knowing my right as a person of serious manners that deserves respect. And I don’t want to take advantage of position at any cost. I believe in individualism as a quest to test your endurance where to rely on in times of difficulties. That no one deserves honor from other people but is able to give honor first to himself.

Forget about the people who see you indispensable, they may live without making a stand with you. I don’t want that to happen. Rather we take responsibility on what personal reconciliation is all about. Is it lifeless? No it’s not. In due time, people will hear your cries and take note of your journey as one with your Creator. There is no urgency to neither go to public and speak words without depth nor push your own ideas, purport disagreements will cause great dispute. My philosophies are same as the natural occurrences of what life is all about.

But as I said, I don’t want to leave words with my own understanding. I wish that all may come to a place of deliverance and be ushered to the same truth that I knew from the start of my own personal journey outside my comfort zone. I rather live with nothing, than live with everything that will cause me to stumble on other people’s feet. Forgive me with words so forlorn, that I ought to speak life to all. But this very moment brings me to a truth that every good and bad thing can happen in this undeserved life. Therefore I was able to think of such depth of truth and put it into writing, that one day when things fade to happiness, I may be able to describe how lowly it is, how down hearting and discouraging it is to put one’s heart in such abandoned position. It was never easy to make amends of the permanent damage you caused yourself to bear aside from the damage other people did to you.

Love was one of them. So forth it brought painful embarkations, awful smell of red roses to your nose and thorns left deep holes in your hands and fingers. The truth is, as I pass such day, I will always bring all hours lapsed to that very present and sleep in waking hours as though I am in a state of reverie - - but when I blink twice I see myself in a place of wondering where will I be, where will I go and hide. And there I put all things on the ground and choose to be good, still and silent.